Overcoming the Stigma - A Parent Perspective On Getting A Child Evaluated

“If you don’t advocate for your child…who will? There is zero shame in seeking help to give your child the best life possible.  If it comes back there is a learning or behavioral disorder, it doesn’t change anything.  They are still your baby.” Spoken by an anonymous parent whose child was diagnosed with ADHD with executive dysfunction and OCD tendencies.   

Recently I conducted an anonymous survey among parents who have children with professionally diagnosed learning or behavioral disorders. I love the way this parent, in particular, worded this statement when she was asked what advice she would give to other parents who are hesitant to have their child evaluated for a potential disorder.

 As parents, our minds are wired to want and to plan for only the best quality of life possible for our children. Our hearts are resistant to the idea that our child’s brain may be wired a little differently than what we envisioned for them, and so too often we may push back when that utopian vision of normalcy we’ve dreamt of is challenged. It’s not that we would love them any less if they do happen to need some extra help…it’s just that sometimes our hearts have a hard time letting go of the preconceived plans and notions we have built up for them and for ourselves as parents. People fear what they don’t understand.- Which I believe is one of the major hurdles in overcoming the common stigma parents carry towards having their child evaluated in the first place. 

Because of these common stigmas, a parent may dismiss red flags that surface when it comes to the way their child behaves, processes information, or handles social situations. Parents may find themselves saying things like, “they’re just being a kid. Kids are hyper and have trouble focussing sometimes. That’s normal”, or “that’s just their personality”, or “that’s how I was as a kid, there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m fine.”

One parent touched on this when she answered:

“My family said he reminded them of me as a kid!  I was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD. They would say he was so full of energy! Friends never made a comment unless I brought it up, and then they would agree he seemed like he was very hyperactive.”

Other parents pointed out another common misconception that’s out there:

“At first, I thought it was something I did wrong as a parent. It took me a while to realize it was nothing I did but that it was ok and that [my child] would be ok.”

 “A few at first thought he was just "bad" and wouldn't listen. After redirecting him and trying to modify things at home and seeing it was not working, we as the parents knew it was time to talk to his doctor.”

 “It made me feel concerned because I knew of the challenges we would face getting him diagnosed and the challenges he would face in school. I knew there was an issue and knew we needed help getting it addressed so he could have the best life he could.”

 I asked this group of parents, “what would you tell another parent who is considering whether or not to have their child evaluated for a learning or behavioral disorder? “

Here are some of their responses:

 “To look into it. Knowledge is power, and just because you look into it does not mean you have to make a decision.”

 “I get frustrated with myself and the schools for not recognizing obvious signs of struggle. They passed school so no one bothered to let us know there were other issues. Do it! The sooner you can figure things out the sooner they can gather life skills that will benefit them forever as well as help in school.”

 Teachers are often one of the first lines of defense in noticing signs of a struggling student. It is strongly encouraged that you check in with your child’s teacher(s) regularly to gauge how your child is doing academically and socially.

 I also surveyed a group of preschool teachers anonymously, and this is some of the feedback I received:

 “In my experience, signs of learning and behavioral disabilities can be spotted fairly easily by age 3, frequently prior to the child’s 3rd birthday. Learning disabilities are harder to spot early because they can be mistaken for lack of attention span due to age.”

 “Advice I would offer to parents who are hesitant to have their child evaluated would be to remember that we are here to help children of all abilities. We do not see your child as having something “wrong” with them, but in need of tools to help them excel. Every child is different. Their needs and learning styles are different. Some children need specialized tools in order to be the best version of themselves and it is our sole desire to see them succeed. When a teacher or caretaker mentions concerns, it isn’t to point out flaws. We share our concerns because we know that we aren’t trained in every learning style, and there are others who are. Those we refer your child to do not see your child as flawed! Quite the opposite, in fact! They have spent their adult lives learning specialized ways to HELP your child…differences or struggles that seem minor now may not be so minor as the child ages. Those gaps widen and become more obvious to both the child and those around them. Our goal is to close the gap.”

 I also asked the teachers, “for parents who do choose to take that step and have their child evaluated and treated, do you notice improvement at school?”

 “I do see improvement in the children who are evaluated and treated. They have more confidence in themselves, improved attention spans, and better social skills overall.”

—

Making that first step to talk to a professional about simply getting your child evaluated is sometimes the biggest hurdle to jump. Navigating this decision can also bring to the surface a whole slew of roadblocks to combat in your mind:

 What if we go through all the trouble, and my child is normal after all? I don’t want to put them through unnecessary doctor visits.

 What if they DO find out that my child has a disorder? I don’t want them to feel different about themselves or to feel less confident.

 What if they want to medicate my child? I don’t want them medicated.

 What if….

What if your child feels seen and understood more clearly than ever before?

What if your child gains a whole arsenal of tools they can use for the rest of their lives?

What if they become a more confident, more able version of themselves than you ever thought possible?

What if your decision to have your child evaluated changes the course of your child’s life forever, enabling them to not only achieve their goals, but to THRIVE?

—-----

“Parent-to-parent, what advice would you offer another parent who is considering whether or not to have their child evaluated for a learning or behavioral disorder?”

“Do it! The sooner you can figure things out the sooner they can gather life skills that will benefit them forever as well as help in school.” 

“To look into it. Knowledge is power and just because you look into it does not mean you have to make a decision.”

—

Here at Wilson Pediatric Therapy and Learning Center, we make it our personal mission to help you, your child, and your family not only succeed; but to THRIVE. We can help evaluate your child and customize an individualized treatment plan to give them the confidence and resources they need to excel.

Are you ready to throw out the stigma and take the first step? Feel free to fill out the Developmental Checklist as an initial screening tool for your child, or reach out to our office today to schedule an appointment for an evaluation. 

“Knowledge is power!”