What is Co-Regulation?

What is co-regulation & how can it help my child? 

"Co-regulation" is the supportive process between adults and youth, children and young adults, which promotes self-regulation and the processing of emotions. The term first began to describe how caregivers support infants, but it evolved to describe the regulatory support that can occur across the lifespan. What co-regulation does is allow a child or young adult to observe, learn, and be coached by a caregiver to learn effective self-regulation techniques that they can use. It will enable the adult/caregiver to coach the child through difficult emotional situations. 

Co-Regulation Changes Throughout Childhood & Young Adulthood 

Infancy: An infant requires a caregiver's co-regulation constantly. They need someone to feed them, change them, keep them at a comfortable temperature, comfort them when they are scared or upset, and more. They require a caregiver to provide 100% of their regulatory needs. They need an adult to speak calmly and affectionately, modify their environment to decrease demands and stress, provide structure and routine, anticipate needs, and respond to cues. 

Toddler: A child's constant needs for co-regulation decrease as they get older and more independent, but their co-regulation needs are still very high as a 1-3-year-old. They need an adult to provide about 90% of their regulatory needs, and they can do about 10%. At this stage, it is important to label and identify emotions when they are feeling that way and when you, the caregiver, are experiencing emotions. It is also important to coach the use of words to express emotions. This is also the age to teach age-appropriate rules and expectations and redirect the child's attention to regulatory behaviors. 

Preschool-Age (Age 4-5): A preschool-age child can do much more for themselves than a baby or a toddler. They are able to participate more in self-care activities and have learned some simple methods of soothing themselves when they are upset. However, they still need about 75% assistance for regulation from a caregiver, and they are able to do about 25% of it by themselves. Providing clear and consistent consequences is very important in this age group. It is also important to provide structure and materials for the child to be able to calm down. Modeling, prompting of strategies, and coaching are very important in this stage, such as demonstrating and coaching deep breathing when upset. 

Childhood (~5-10 years of age): This age involves continued use of modeling appropriate ways to express and work through emotions. During childhood, it is also very appropriate for a caregiver to offer various strategies for a child to calm down or work through difficult emotional situations. This may include offering proprioceptive input through joint compressions, animal walks, or using a weighted vest or weighted blanket; offering calming vestibular input through swinging; or offering and suggesting a safe space for the child to be alone to calm down. Continued modeling of self-regulation and naming of emotions as the caregiver continues to be important at this stage. 

Adolescent (~10-18 years of age): A shift in co-regulation occurs around this time in a youth's life. The caregiver's co-regulation at this stage is ever-changing in how they assist the child, and the amount of support generally decreases over time. Older youth may only require co-regulation support during difficult transitions or when overwhelmed due to circumstances and situations. At this stage, co-regulation switches to more of a role of monitoring the youth and continued supporting of regulation skill development. 

Young-Adult (~19-25 years of age): A typical young adult requires even less support from caregivers. Like adolescents, young adults need co-regulation support during changing periods in their lives and during significant milestones or transitory phases of life. Co-regulation in this stage is primarily one of monitoring and openness to assist and support the young adult in times of need. For example, a young adult would need extra support when moving out on their own, going to college, getting married, experiencing the loss of a loved one, going through an emotionally, physically, or financially challenging period, etc.  

No matter the age, the presence of a parent and/or caregiver who loves and cares unconditionally is always supportive of self-regulation in difficult and stressful life stages.  

How a Caregiver's Self-regulation Skills Affect a Child

As an adult seeking to co-regulate and help a child, the adult must first learn how to regulate their own emotions. The adult/caregiver must first learn what strategies work for them to calm down during stressful situations to help teach the child self-regulation and model appropriate behavior during difficult and stressful situations. The adult can accomplish this (whether a parent, coach, teacher, etc.) by doing the following. 

• Paying attention to their feelings during stressful situations and interactions with the child or young adult - as well as with other adults and children

• Using strategies to self-calm during stressful situations while modeling or verbalizing and explaining what they are doing so that the child or young adult can watch and learn from the caregiver about how to self-regulate. When the adult is able to self-calm with deep breathing or self-talk and then respond calmly to the child, the child learns how to self-regulate from the adult's example, and it also helps the young person to calm down/or stay calm because the adult is interacting with them calmly.

• Pay attention to their thoughts and beliefs about how other people behave and how that affects their behavior. This can help the caregiver to better understand how the child is processing situations and to relate to the child's feelings.

Do all children require the same amount of co-regulation support? 

No! Many factors affect the amount of co-regulation a child needs, and it will change throughout their life, as indicated above. Some factors that affect how much support they need include environmental (external) factors, such as stress and hardship, as well as internal factors, including biological factors, temperament, and skill level. Both internal and external factors play a role in how much support a child will need in the form of co-regulation. These factors can also influence a child's threshold for experiencing sensory stimuli (including sound, touch, and sight) because when a child is overwhelmed by stimuli in their environment, their emotional reaction is likely to be bigger. This can play a big role in the amount of co-regulation they require through sensory modulation and emotional regulation. 

Consistent and effective co-regulation skills taught by a caring adult/caregiver throughout childhood help build a strong foundation for self-regulation skills for the child's life. Research also suggests that strong self-regulation skills show adults with higher income, better financial planning, and lower rates of substance use and violence, resulting in healthier people, communities, and families. 

Now is the time to build better co-regulation skills with your child!